Minus ME

I've been relating a lot to, to quote my friend, "schizophrenic Paul" lately. This is schizophrenic Paul:

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me."

Romans 7:15-20

I think whenever someone reads this passage for the first time it takes about 5 minutes to get all the way through. After the 10 minutes it took me, I realized that Paul just put in an extremely confusing way, appropriately, how confused my spirit and my flesh are with each other. This whole idea provoked some deep thinking for me. I thought to myself if that's the case, then I'm screwed until I die or Jesus comes back. I guess I should just pray and hope for some help along the way.

But I knew that this wasn't an appropriate response. So what can I do? What do I do to get out of this? Or, better yet, how do I allow Christ to consume me and bring peace into my life?  Well in the very next chapter in Romans verse 5 really sums this up for me. It says "For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit." So, I need to quit living according to MYSELF, and start living according to CHRIST. I need to take my will, my pride, my ego out of the equation. God's will, His glory, and His love need to take root in my life. They need to consume my thoughts throughout the day, and need to be at the base of every decision I make and thing that I do. SPOILER ALERT: this is really, really hard. But when I attempt to do this, God really begins to change me and my heart. I can sense that He is filling me up and I'm not trying to fill myself up with things my flesh wants. It's an amazing thing. Recently, I've been so caught up in myself. Past idols have begun to sneak back in and, wouldn't you know, I just haven't been as happy. When you humble yourself before God, you have joy, but when you start searching for happiness and joy elsewhere, you don't have happiness, you only have the promise of happiness and joy and fulfillment, and that's all that it is. It never grows into actual fulfillment, happiness, and joy. That is only found in God. I need to, well, minus me from life. I need to focus only on God and what He wants. There I will find purpose and fulfillment and joy. 

From Judgement to Compassion

God has been repeatedly slapping me in the head recently and I couldn't be happier about it. Why has He been doing this? Because I'm judging and prideful and He needs to just beat me to the ground until I have nothing to be proud of and therefore nothing to judge people against. In fact, it's not that he's beating me to the ground, it's more of a way of teaching me to realize that I was already on face down on the ground and He is the only reason I'm up. Yes, this is much more accurate.

Now the biggest lesson I've learned so far is how much I lack compassion. This whole lesson kind of started as I was reading 1 Corinthians. I don't know quite how God used this verse to reveal this to me but I'll try to explain as best I can. Anyway, the verse is from chapter 2: verses 15-16. It says "The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. 'For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?' But we have the mind of Christ." Well I wrestled with this for a few minutes. I'm not supposed to be judgmental person right? Well shortly after it was like, "oh wow, but I am!" Then I was brought back to the verse. Wait, so am I supposed to be judging? Of course not. So what is this verse saying?!  Well, although I don't think the lesson God taught me through this verse is necessarily what Paul is telling the Corinthians it's still a biblical lesson nonetheless (amazing how God does that by the way). Anyway I realized that I am supposed to judge all things. When I see a fellow brother or sister sinning the judgement is that I know that is a sin. That's the judgement. Now after I have made that judgement, SO many times I just get disgusted and then go speak slanderously of them. ABSURD! This is not biblical. Consider when Jesus sees the large crowd of five thousand men. "When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things." Mark 6:34. When Jesus sees people that are lost, he is moved with compassion!  So when I see that person sinning, I shouldn't get disgusted and go talk about it. I am moved with compassion! This will most likely lead to some kind of direction from God. Maybe He wants me to go talk to them about it and call them out on it with boldness and with His authority. Other times maybe I will just felt led to pray for them. Surely it is not go talk about how bad or wrong they are. It's so hard for me to do. I'm not good at it. I'm praying about it and trying to get better at it and I know that the Lord will work on my heart. This is the important thing I need to understand, I must seek the Lord to always change my heart and move me. If I focus on only the "doing" I will not get it. The "doing" will result from seeking the Lord and receiving his compassion in me.

Praise God for all the things revealed to me. It is not by my will that my ears and heart have been opened. 

I Must Submit

     The past month or so I have been seriously wrestling with submitting myself to others and most importantly to God. I always had trouble with what submitting myself really meant, especially when applied to my relationship with God. I never knew what to do or what not to do, or even what to think or what not to think. It's tough.
     However, I've been reading the book "Celebration of Discipline" by Richard Foster. This book goes through all the said "Spiritual Disciplines". Such as prayer, fasting, meditation, worship, confession, solitude, service, and others. And yes, there is a chapter on submission. Out of all of these talked about, submission is probably the one I struggle with the most. I believe that it is because it is the only one that really doesn't sound appealing to me right off the bat (which is the problem to begin with). Prayer can lead to hearing God's word for you and for others and can lead to fulfillment as can meditation. Meditation also lets you clear out emotions and let God come and appease those and enlighten you on why those emotions occur. Fasting leads to a closer walk to throughout your day and a realization of your dependance on Him. Submission...? I mean, makes you feel good about yourself? How?
     The interesting thing is that I now believe submission is necessary in order to achieve the freedom received from all the disciplines. My biggest problem with submission is that I always thought it was something you did. An action. Now I realize that it is not an action, that is only a possible result of real submission.
    So then it isn't action, and I'm not sure what I can gain from it. Really confusing..I didn't even know where to begin. Well Richard Foster in Celebration of Discipline puts it like this: "...every Discipline has its corresponding freedom. What freedom corresponds to submission? It is the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get our own way." And later he adds, "In the Discipline of submission we are released to drop the matter, to forget it. Frankly, most things in life are not nearly as important as we think they are." After reading all this, a lightbulb went off. God revealed to me the purpose of submission. So now I'm interested..but what is it?
     Well, submission is not something I do. It's not something I say. It's not even necessarily a way of living. It's the way you view yourself in relation to other people and to God. When you are able to, as Paul says in Philippians 2:3, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves", a huge burden is lifted off your shoulders! You don't have to get your own way! You don't have to constantly be justifying yourself! You can actually listen to other people. You can rejoice in their joys, and share in their sorrows. Now this is where it can get a little tricky. The question may arise...well I don't want to take on everyone else's burdens. This is why submitting ourselves to God is the most important thing and must come first. We know that and believe firmly that God's way is the best way for us. That whatever he has for us will end up working for our good even though it seems the exact opposite. Also God's way becomes the most important. In all this 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 can become a truth in our lives! It says "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." How awesome! I want to be able to be joyful always! I want to praise God always! Even when the world seems to be coming down on me, I know that Jesus really did take the weight of the world, and that He's got a plan, and it's more important and better than my plan so I'm going to trust him and give thanks.
     Now I don't believe that submission is an overnight or easy thing. I think it takes lots of patience and effort. Time in prayer and meditation. But work at it. Begin to see God as truly having the best plan and submit to him. Begin to see other people as more important than you. This is something I will forever be working on and trying to get better at it. Praise God for all that He has revealed to the world. Now, I must submit.

Love But Don't Leave

I am currently reading the book Radical by David Platt. This book is subtitled, Taking Your Faith Back From the American Dream. I was immediately intrigued when told about this book. I have always been struck by the fact that Christianity is not an American thing, something I tend to forget throughout my day. When I have my quiet time, and read my bible, I recognize this cognitively, but I do not live it out I guess you could say. This book has a lot to say about the church in America today and how we tend to make Christianity into something that fits into our American lifestyle, when, in reality, we need to be living a Christian lifestyle, not an "American" one. What is a Christian lifestyle? Jesus Christ. God has revealed to me that in living like Christ, I am called to love God, and my neighbor as myself, and that loving my neighbor, is loving anybody that I come in contact with. Drug addicts, fellow students, teachers, homeless people, everybody. Now I am really moved by the idea of loving broken people like drug addicts, and the homeless. David Platt mentions in his book the idea that we are supposed to love people where they're at, but not to leave them there. I love that. Loving someone is not just sharing the gospel and then never pursuing that person after that. It's much more. It's showing them that you genuinely care by pursuing out a relationship with them. Talking to them, listening to their story, inviting them to church, inviting them to lunch, or to get coffee, or whatever. That's where the oppurtunity for spirtual growth happens. I know there are and always will be things I need to work on in my life, things that I can improve, as it is with everybody. My goal for this semester is to share the gospel with someone and seek out a relationship with them. Not to leave them where they were when I initially shared the gospel with them, but to invite them to come and join in a relationship with Christ and that I will be there for them when they need me. I will not leave them where they are.